On Saturday, I felt truly, absolutely miserable. I couldn't stop coughing. I'm congested, badly, and my ear drum burst on Friday. I came to my room early to relax and when I found the recent remake of Steel Magnolias, I looked forward to watching it.
I know the daughter dies in the movie. Even when she needed a kidney transplant, I watched with interest.
No, I didn't fall apart until she fell in a coma, and her mother rubbed her feet. I stared at the screen, at the fictional mother, and screamed. "At least you got to say goodbye! Oh, Jolene, Jolene."
To put it mildly, I can feel David's pain when he learned about Absalom's death.
Oh my son, Absalom, my dear, dear son Absalom! Why not me rather than you, my death and not yours, O Absalom, my dear, dear son!Oh, Jolene, my Jolene! Why not me rather than you? Oh Jolene, my Jolene!
Jolene drove me crazy. Her borderline personality disorder made her very difficult to live with, and whenever I want to feel guilty (which is fairly often), I remind myself of how difficult it was, and how I didn't know what to do.
But . . . Jolene, my Jolene! My daughter!
A love for a child surpasses all others. A child who has a difficult life and dies prematurely--tragic.
God sent his Son. Knowing he would die. And in those awful few hours on the cross, turned His back on His Son, cutting off the fellowship they had known since the foundation of the world.
I cry with David.
I stand amazed by God's love.
**For anyone who doesn't know, my daughter Jolene committed suicide in 2008.**
Calls to mind a few lines of the song...
ReplyDelete"I stand amazed in the presence
Of Jesus the Nazarene ... "
What pain we experience in this life and God says in John 16:22 And ye now therefore have sorrow: but I will see you again, and your heart shall rejoice , and your joy no man taketh from you.
I guess that is talking about how you will see Jolene again and for ever and for ever ... there are other similar verses. Meanwhile "now" seems forever. I wish I could hug that sorrow away :( I appreciate so much how you are willing to put your sorrow on the line so that we can really understand parts of the Bible that we never could otherwise. xoxo (((((((Darlene)))))
ps happy 100th!
ReplyDeleteWonderful post I understand your pain ((((((HUG))))) God bless you Chris
ReplyDeleteThoughts and prayers, Darlene!
ReplyDeleteCyberhug, Darlene. Am praying for all parents who grieve for their children.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Kathy, Chris, Cindy, Susan--dear friends all.
ReplyDeleteGod's Word is amazing how we can see reflections of our own experiences, offering empathy, compassion, hope. Praying for your continued comfort, Darlene. Congratulations on your 100th post. You are a blessing to so many as you share your own experiences and give light to others. {{{hugs}}}
ReplyDeleteThanks, Carla. I pray this blesses others to some measure in the way it blesses me.
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