NEW DREAMS (Job 6)

Where's the strength to keep my hopes up?
What future do I have to keep me going?
Do you think I have nerves of steel?
Do you think I'm made of iron?
Do you think I can pull myself up by my bootstraps?
Why, I don't even have any boots!
(Ezra 6:8-13, MSG)

These days while going through Job may be difficult. I found a lot I could agree with in Eliphaz' first speech. How about "he gives firm footing to those sinking in grief?" When he said, "so the poor continue to hope," I felt like shouting amen! And I wondered briefly why God (and Job) got upset with his answer. A bit Romans 8:28-ish (I hate it when people quote that verse to me when I'm feeling down), but true, none the less.

But then Eliphaz listed all the good things happen to the righteous. They sounded like nothing bad ever happened to good people. Neither famine, war, gossip, loss of children--and on from there. He basically said, if Job was righteous, he wouldn't have suffered so severely. My heart screamed when I read, "You'll see your children grow up."

Job didn't like it either. His words that I quoted above put my feelings of deep sadness into words.

Before my daughter's death, the thing that saddened me the most was the removal of my son from my home when he was 15. When it became clear he would never again live with me, I felt such deep despair that I didn't know how I could survive it. Life didn't feel much worth living, but I knew I had an inner core of steel that kept me going. Of faith, of God, call it what you will. But I refused to give up on life. I lived in hope of the day that once I would have hope.

I bet we all have times in our lives when we ask, "what future do I have to keep me going?" I came name several such points in my life, which made me question the direction I had headed in. I had no future, at least not the future I had expected.

I lost the career I expected when I was kicked out of the master of music program at Southwestern Seminary. I went into Christian education instead, which was good. And God wasn't done with me and music, but in different ways.

I lost my dream of serving as an overseas missionary when my husband was kicked out of our last church. God instead has brought the world to me, and put in plenty of situations to share my faith.

I lost my dreams of parenting both my children to successful adulthood. With my son's arrest, I threw myself into writing. With Jolene's death, my writing career exploded.


I have questioned my ability to write with my continued health problems. So far, God keeps sending me the same vision: Yes, continue writing. But do it sensibly. Make smarter writing choices.

Each of those episodes sent into emotional whirlpools that dragged me under for awhile. Perhaps you're in a Job-like place right now, when you feel you have lost your hope for the future.

How about you? How have lost dreams led to a different future for you?

THE WIDOW OF ZAREPHATH

Today I debated whom to write about: Omri and Ahab, the "new champions of evil," or the nameless

widow of Zarephath who took in the prophet Elijah.

Then I took a closer look and realized they are connected: both women in the story, Ahab's wife Jezebel and the widow, were Sidonians.

The kings of both Judah and Israel made strategic alliances through marriage to the daughters of nearby kings. Solomon's Egyptian wife started the trend of building a temple where she could worship. None of those queens had a more far-reaching influence than Jezebel, Ahab's wife. She introduced Baal worship to Israel, and Ahab jumped right in. By the time of the confrontation with Elijah, she had named 450 prophets of Baal. They didn't even pretend to worship the God who brought them out of Egypt any more. Why weren't the Israelite kings as committed to their God as their wives were to Yahweh?!

Looking at Jezebel, one might think that all Sidonians were sold out to Baal. Yet when the prophet Elijah needed a place to hide and to survive the drought, God sent him to--Sidon, in Phoenicia. To a widow, who didn't even have enough food for herself and her son.

Hmm, at least when David lived among the Philistines, he made friends with the king.

God says He instructed the widow to feed Elijah. She wasn't the first Gentile to receive a message from God. I always wonder how God relayed His will, and how the widow recognized it. When Elijah showed up, she wasn't ready. She might have dismissed God's directions as so much foolish thinking. She was about to die of starvation--how could she feed a third person in the household?

Evidence of her faith, though, is shown in her words, "as surely as your God lives."  She recognized Yahweh as the living God, but not one she could claim a right to. Further signs of faith? She used that last little bit of flour and oil to make a biscuit for Elijah. Either she surrendered to dying earlier (by losing that last meal) or perhaps hoped, beyond an impossible hope, that he spoke the truth. Her flour and oil didn't run out until the famine broke.

Some time later, tragedy struck. The widow's son died, suddenly. She sent for Elijah. She accused him of "barging in, exposing my sin, killing my son."  Grief and guilt, a powerful combination, released a flood of emotion and accusations. Perhaps she blamed herself. Did she think her sin had led to her son's death?

God restored the boy's life after Elijah prayed three times. The final words we hear from the widow are, "When you speak, God speaks--a true word!"

And that's it. We don't hear another word about her. There are places in the Gospels where we read that Jesus traveled through Sidon, and that people from Sidon followed him.

Point number one: God's plan has always included the Gentiles.

Point numbers 2 and beyond. I fall prey to the same doubts that plagued the widow. I believe in God, but I'm not always sure He cares for me. If He cares for me, why don't I have more than a small biscuit for a meal? Am I such a terrible sinner that my children have to suffer because of my sin? If God wants a job done, there must be hundreds of people more able to do it.

And yet, God used the widow. He gave her what might have been the most important task of her time: providing asylum for the prophet Elijah.

I, too, have seen God use me, in spite of my failings. I don't think I've done anything as significant as taking in Elijah. But God has called me to specific tasks, and by His grace and power, they happen. The smallest step of faith provides my daily bread.  Not because I'm anything special, but because of who God is.

The next time I read the widow's story, I think I'll insert my name.

WRITE ON: FINDING MY VOICE (Exodus 37-38, Matthew 23)

Everything I read today hit me straight in my writer's heart. So I will share what God had to say to me, and trust the Holy Spirit to apply it to your situation as well. 

•  He also prepared with the art of a perfumer. . . (Exodus 37:29). The "he" referred to is Bezelel. He was a goldsmith and a craftsman of many arts.  I suspect he had never made a perfume before. But as part of his calling regarding the Tabernacle, he had to make the anointing oil. Application: I consider myself a fiction writer who is now called to write nonfiction as well. Not as different as working with perfume vs. gold, but different skills. But the God who called me will also supply me with the "art" to do it.
• the women’s work group who were assigned to serve at the entrance to the Tent of Meeting. (Exodus 38:8) Who were these women? Are they mentioned anywhere else? Anonymous yet their service was essential for the smooth running of worship. Application: For the most part, I am one of the group of anonymous workers who write Christian fiction. In other words, I'm not a household name. And I a woman, drawing near to the temple of biblical exegesis which has long been a man's stronghold.
• Instead of giving you God’s Law as food and drink by which you can banquet on God, they package it in bundles of rules (Matthew 23:4)  Jesus denounced the Pharisees for not handling God's word as sustaining food and drink. Application: I have called this blog "My Daily Nibble"--my calling is to find the bread in the Bible, in familiar stories and in obscure laws.
• If you’re content to simply be yourself, your life will count for plenty (Matthew 23:12).  No explanation needed here. And wow! I struggle with finding my "voice" in nonfiction. My natural style doesn't feel "right" to my Bible-college-and-seminary trained mind. Earlier in the passage, Jesus mentioned "reverends and doctors."  He doesn't want me to try to write like the scholars. My best writing will come as I am simply myself.

Today I found a feast!  I hope you enjoy it with me.